you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
