I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
