i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
