So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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