Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
