I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
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