She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
