I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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