i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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