Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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