cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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