3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
