you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Dignity is for republicans.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
