Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
