i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
