did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
