Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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