I want to have your abortion
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
