His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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