Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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