Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Randomize
