Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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