You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
