U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
