My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
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