Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
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