dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
