she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
The ass gains better be worth it
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