Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
