I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
