The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
