I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
