Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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