dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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