I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
