woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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