He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
