is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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