Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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