I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
