You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
