They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
