yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I checked into jail on foursquare
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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