I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
