16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Randomize
