So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
