Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
