His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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