Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
