i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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