we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
