Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
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